Another Relgion Post...

So. I have decided not to think of myself as Christian anymore. I am out of love with the Christian god and ready to explore my other options. My first thing would be that now I can study paganism, but there's my dad I have to worry about. So, I have to back off and look into other things, but then its like what else is there that I want to study? I don't like organized religion. Its man made and full of holes. Besides everything has pagan roots because paganism is the first religion.

I joined a UU yahoo group so I'm going to try and talk with folks there and see how it goes.

But its like an epiphany. Christianity is a mythology just like any other religion. Its silly to put your faith in a bunch of outlandish fantasy stories and guide your life by thema and try to intrepret symbolism and allegory where there is none. Jonah got swallowed by a big fish. That's not symbolic for if you turn away from god you're gonna get eaten or whatever people try to make it out to be.

I still consider myself an agnostic pagan though. I just have no guide book, no pastor that dictates where I should go with my life, its all on me now. Scary thought, huh?

I really want to write bdsm fiction but I can't seem to get an idea started and going. I need a place where I can escape and write and be. I need a world of my own. Even the world I have with my gf is tied to relgion, which is fine, my main character is the devil, I am fascinated by him as well and want to find out more about him and think his story should be told from a different light, making him the hero, but still, I need to have something else. And everything is spiritual for me, it has to have some deeper meaning to it otherwise its like no fun, Well that's not entirely true. I read urban fantasy no problem and there's nt necessarily any deeper meaning in that, but I can't *write* urban fantasy, I've tried and I can't find my grove in it -sigh-

So I'm on this labyrinth to discover what I believe and I want to write it in a story and I'm at a loss ... for now. Wish me luck on my path, until next time..

Star out.