Last Post of 2009

Damn. Another Eventful year.

I haven't blogged worth shit. Too busy trying to find things to blog about. I will probably be all anti-linear and post things more often next year about things that happened last year. Hail the Quantum Entanglement, Reject Linear Time.


How about a Recap ?

What did I find out about myself this year ?

I'm still a virgin.

I'm an otherkin (starseed-therian polymorphic multiple).

I'm a Quantum Witch. (I view quantum mechanics/physics as a magical discipline)

And I am a Fetishist Queer Gender Fluid/PolyGendered Polyamorous Fandomsexual.

Pretty Eventful, I think.


And its like 4 am in the morning, on New Year's Eve (from Dec 30th not the new year ... if that makes sense) so if you'll excuse me, I'll go get my five hours of sleep and be back to the marvelous intertubes ...


Star out.

Discovered my Role!!!!

I've been giving it a great deal of thought about what my role is and upon this discovery, I managed to stumble upon my role. Fetishist. In particular a roleplay fetishist. Everything from Dungeons and Dragons to Harry Potter Literate/Text-based roleplays.

Part of me thinks its kind of rushed to discover this so early without having actually 'played' at a dungeon or fet party or anything, but it feels right, sounds right. And the idea of taking the role of Dom/me or sub just makes me think 'well, it depends on the character/world I'm in at the time'.

So, this may change, but for the moment, I will identify as a roleplay fetishist. That way I'm not tied down to the strict preconceptions of each role Dominant and submissive and what's expected for each. By calling myself a fetishist, it focuses on the fetish, which for me is roleplaying. and not necessarily the role and limits and all that. If that makes any sense at all.

Anyway. I'm happy. Even if I have defected and started reading Twilight, yet another world to roleplay in. It could be fun, if I can find someone to roleplay Carlisle to my fangirl non-canon character who probably fits more in the world of Trinity blood, but I want her to be in love with Carlisle even so. Just like another masochistic vampire in the series *cough* Edward *cough*

What is it about masochism that is so appealing? Maybe that will be another turn of events in my role discovery/revision ...etc.

Moving Offline *looks around for cyber boxes*

It seems I am slowly moving my life offline. As I have been online and only online for a matter of years. I will still keep my online life, I will just have a LIFE to match it, or to go along beside it, like a daemon or something bizarre and weird and hard to get used to ... >.>

I went to my first BDSM Munch last week. It was great, not weird or full of obvious creepy people. It was one of those funky visuals that you get when you aren't sure of something. That people will be like the
online weirdos you sometimes encounter.

But no, thankfully they were all funny and nice and 'normal' for lack of a better word. I am sad, really, that I have no basis for what people are like any more, I've been online for too long. Its kinda crazy to use my real name any more too. Cause I'm so used to being anonymous or having x amount of aliases. Every time you create a new account you create a new identity.

Speaking of identity, I went to an energy work shop too, last week. It was an open house by House Vespertine and their affliates. It was very fun, very insightful, opened my eyes to my identity, like what is my energetic structure, what are my energetic needs. I really think I'm closer to my awakening. Which is good, right?

My best friend is moving out of the country and I have very little friends to actually hang out with. I am really starting to crave interaction with people. My roleplay characters are active, well, active enough. I just need some reality to balance me out, and it seems to be coming to me, in all forms, slowly, even my online contact with my gf, seems to be getting less. She has issues that prevent her from coming online much and its hard to do some of the things we do online via phone and its a long distance relationship.

I feel slightly neglected but its not her fault, I'm probably just being needy, I have my book that I'm working on, so that should keep me occupied, right? And I have books, and other characters and roleplays to keep me busy. I should count my blessings and be happy. Focus my thoughts on getting more offline friends. I can see them in my head, just need to get rid of the things that are blocking me from getting it, the contradictions that keep the plant from breaking the surface of the earth.

Okay, enough rambling and updates. I will gather my notes from the energy work shop and post them on here soon. They aren't extensive, but they're still good, I think, and its a monthly thng so I will be able to post something on a regular basis.

Until Next time ...

Star Fygment.

Revelations --- Chaos Magick

Law of Attraction is practically my religion. Its the only thing that feels right, that and quantum physics, and alchemy, energy and the Hemetic Tradition: as above, so below, as within so without ....etc...Let me Tell you what I believe.

This may or may not influence whether or not my approach on energy is right for you, my readers, I may not have many followers but I know I got quite a few readers, or at least more than I do followers -grin-. Anyway, I was watching, well, rather, re-watching the Secret, and realized something. Its like the bible for me, the Secret, it allows me to see something new every time I watch it or read it. And this time I realized why my life wasn't up to speed yet. It was the quote, by Bob Proctor, "You've got to pay attention, to what you're attracted to, because as you hold images of what you want, you're going to be attracted to things and they're going to be attracted to you."

And so I asked myself, what am I attracted to. And I realized that was what was conflicting and confusing my polarity. I want this life of happiness, peace and stabilty, but really, I'm attracted to the beauty of the Melancholy, the destroyed and fallen seeking redemption, the dystopic, dismal, grim, gloomy underbelly of life, the blood that drizzles and drips from wounds from passively walking on the otherside of the Veil where people don't employ the Secret to better their life, they let their residual reality just string them along into this complacency.

So, I am going to challenge myself, this is the second Star Challenge Week I've given myself in the space of a month, but why not. The first Star Challenge Week went quite well, I'd like to think. Would have went better if I didn't procrastinate so much. But I will focus and pretend I'm in ritual 24/7. Like a 24/7 D/s relationship with the universe, kinky and sensual, just what I need. Ignoring the static of residual reality, the Shaitans of the Multiverse, whispers of thoughts, ghosts in the human machine of a brain, trying to hack into current, uncorrupted files, people trying to preach and influence other corruption into my system.

I won't listen. We won't listen. We will come out on Top and ready to rock the world.

This is a test, like Chaos Magick, you just try a bunch of stuff, different things and then you go with what works, I've found a few things that work for me sometimes, but the one thing that always works, and continues to work for me, is magick. Will. Intention. Emotion. Its Magick and it works, and I want to learn more. I want to feed this part of me. If anything, that song, 'the world is a vampire' is partly true. Everything is something that you have to feed, nurture with psychic energy. They are very literally 'seeds' and seeds grow into fruits which can be eaten by other people or beings, and not just you, which is why when you do something, do things, you invest energy and you feel drained or 'tired' at the end of the day/night ... whatever. Its why you should choose what you invest your energy in wisely, choose things that correspond on some level to your bliss, whatever that is. Find your bliss, and broaden your mind and you will change the world from the inside ... out.

xXxStars In DarknessxXx

Asexuality and Erotica?

I started writing this story, and like stories are, it became rebellious, it was supposed to be some story about virginal dominance, but then one of the characters turned out to be asexual and the other not. And I still want to write it about BDSM, but would it still be considered erotica because an asexual is involved?


Asexuals don’t do sexual things, now I have it figured out that the BDSM elements in the story are just that, BDSM without the sex, its just pain, humiliation … that kind of thing, for the aesthetic of it, so he says (the character, the asexual one), but the characters, they have a nice dynamic going on here, I think. It could prove interesting, at the very least, original.


I’m thinking of just making it a novella and then finding a way to incorporate actual photography as the ‘illustration’ for the book, and maybe read it on podio-books as a way of exposing the book … you know advertisement.


Why can’t asexuals have erotica? I don’t think I’m asexual, though I definitely have tendencies. I consider myself celibate. I’m not ready for sex. I may be of age where its okay to have sex, but I don’t want to catch anything, and I don’t want to start any family I’m not prepared for. Its just not happening. Abstinence is the best form of birth control anyway.


I try to look at people, that I find attractive and beautiful and think sexual thoughts about them and nothing happens, I mean, I try to imagine them naked and its just, not there. I’m thinking it could be a kin thing. I would need to have a primal connection with someone or some sort of metaphysical chemistry with someone before I could even think of doing something like that. I roleplay sex scenes all the time and its fun, even exciting, almost arousing, but that’s it. Its just pretend. It’s a different animal entirely when you have it face to face in YOUR reality and its you and not some character faced with the opportunity to get busy with someone.


Its one of those things that seem like a good idea, but really, its quite daunting and frightening. Even if you try to look at it with as little gravity as possible see it as a casual joining of bodies with a biochemical reaction that sometimes results in new life. Not as a strong union that expels a great amount of energy and potentially bonds two souls on a Divine and possibly eternal level, it’s the ultimate act of intimacy where you get to see yourself and another at their most vulnerable, most beautiful and most powerful all at once.


See how I think its frightening? I could probably survive being an asexual because I don’t know what I’m missing, not really, but I have a feeling that if I meet someone who I have a primal connection with, sex will inevitably happen. I can visualize that much. It will be on an unspoken level, a level of feeling only, its strange how I know how it will be, like its happened before, but just not in this lifetime. Blah. Whatever. I sound weird when I talk like that, like I’m some hoodoo, psychic person. So I try not to talk that way if I can help it. Anyway, the point of this blog was to talk about sex and asexuality, it is my first BDSM related post, hurrah. I have more ideas about BDSM topics that I will post in the future, so stay tuned, and if I feel up to it, feel brave, I may even post an excerpt of my story.

Exploring Energy 1

I first found out about energy via vampirism. I wouldn’t call myself a vampire and if I’m honest with myself I wouldn’t call myself anything but kin. I am something more than human and other than human, otherkin. But I cannot deny that even we, or I have a special relationship with energy.

I can sense it, feel it and I am beginning to learn how to affect it, manipulate it: to control my own reality. I have come across some exercises that help me, in my beginning studies, various books and websites, I only have two at the moment, but before we get to that, I think we need to have a physical understanding on what energy is. Physics before Metaphysics, as it were …

We have the basic Law of the Conservation of Energy that says that energy (like matter) can neither be created nor destroyed. And then there are the two basic forms of energy, kinetic (motion) and potential (stored). But the interesting part I have come across in my studies of energy are the laws of thermodynamics. The very nature of them sounds vampiric, but I’m sure they can be adapted to suit the non-vampiric energy worker as well.

First Law of Thermodynamics states that under the law of conservation of energy, any form of energy exchange simply means that one type of energy is transformed into another as a form of chemical reaction.

The Second Law of Thermodynamics states that any time work is done, a portion of the starting energy is going to be lost as heat. And the third law simply states that as a consequence of the first two laws, absolute zero exists.

There are also some equations that may be useful but I think they should be put in Exploring Energy 2. Granted I am still learning about all this, so if there are some errors I made in stating the laws, you all can post comments and let me know…

Exercise 1

Rub your hands together and then slowly bring them apart to see if you can feel, sense the pulsing energy/vibrations created between them. Not the heat, but the actual vibrations of energy. Close your eyes if you need to.

Exercise 2

Lie still and visualize your whole body filling with liquid or air, and then direct it to your hand, but don’t let it through, let it fill up your hand, and if its liquid, it would probably feel a great deal heavier, and if its air it would probably feel lighter.

Once you’re done with the excercises you can journal your progress and sensations, and tweak them and give them more detail, visualization is the key.