Kinky Muse....

I've decided I want to write BDSM Fiction. There isn't enough of it in the world I don't think. I want pain slut characters and virgins who are discovering some new part of their sexuality stumbling into dungeons in remote parts of town. I want sensual Masters and Cruel Mistresses to grace my pages.

I want to saturate the world with BDSM fiction. It can be my way of finding and discovering where I stand exactly in the world. Instead of just a virgin fetishist. I know, I know most of it will be pure fantasy as I am still a virgin, but we all gotta start somewhere, right?

It will be written during my 'everything I write sucks' phase so its all good.

One day I want to write my thesis on the psychology of BDSM or BDSM in fiction, probably the latter. I want to study this stuff, and surround myself in the beauty of it. I want to fill shelves with my naughty imagination. That's my goal, one of my many dreams. And I'm gonna do it.

I want to co-write erotica and BDSM fiction with my lovers (as soon as I have a lover again). I want to be a famous fiction writer and BDSM is my genre. I realize I'm repeating myself but I can't help it. I want it so much!

Discovered my Role!!!!

I've been giving it a great deal of thought about what my role is and upon this discovery, I managed to stumble upon my role. Fetishist. In particular a roleplay fetishist. Everything from Dungeons and Dragons to Harry Potter Literate/Text-based roleplays.

Part of me thinks its kind of rushed to discover this so early without having actually 'played' at a dungeon or fet party or anything, but it feels right, sounds right. And the idea of taking the role of Dom/me or sub just makes me think 'well, it depends on the character/world I'm in at the time'.

So, this may change, but for the moment, I will identify as a roleplay fetishist. That way I'm not tied down to the strict preconceptions of each role Dominant and submissive and what's expected for each. By calling myself a fetishist, it focuses on the fetish, which for me is roleplaying. and not necessarily the role and limits and all that. If that makes any sense at all.

Anyway. I'm happy. Even if I have defected and started reading Twilight, yet another world to roleplay in. It could be fun, if I can find someone to roleplay Carlisle to my fangirl non-canon character who probably fits more in the world of Trinity blood, but I want her to be in love with Carlisle even so. Just like another masochistic vampire in the series *cough* Edward *cough*

What is it about masochism that is so appealing? Maybe that will be another turn of events in my role discovery/revision ...etc.

Asexuality and Erotica?

I started writing this story, and like stories are, it became rebellious, it was supposed to be some story about virginal dominance, but then one of the characters turned out to be asexual and the other not. And I still want to write it about BDSM, but would it still be considered erotica because an asexual is involved?


Asexuals don’t do sexual things, now I have it figured out that the BDSM elements in the story are just that, BDSM without the sex, its just pain, humiliation … that kind of thing, for the aesthetic of it, so he says (the character, the asexual one), but the characters, they have a nice dynamic going on here, I think. It could prove interesting, at the very least, original.


I’m thinking of just making it a novella and then finding a way to incorporate actual photography as the ‘illustration’ for the book, and maybe read it on podio-books as a way of exposing the book … you know advertisement.


Why can’t asexuals have erotica? I don’t think I’m asexual, though I definitely have tendencies. I consider myself celibate. I’m not ready for sex. I may be of age where its okay to have sex, but I don’t want to catch anything, and I don’t want to start any family I’m not prepared for. Its just not happening. Abstinence is the best form of birth control anyway.


I try to look at people, that I find attractive and beautiful and think sexual thoughts about them and nothing happens, I mean, I try to imagine them naked and its just, not there. I’m thinking it could be a kin thing. I would need to have a primal connection with someone or some sort of metaphysical chemistry with someone before I could even think of doing something like that. I roleplay sex scenes all the time and its fun, even exciting, almost arousing, but that’s it. Its just pretend. It’s a different animal entirely when you have it face to face in YOUR reality and its you and not some character faced with the opportunity to get busy with someone.


Its one of those things that seem like a good idea, but really, its quite daunting and frightening. Even if you try to look at it with as little gravity as possible see it as a casual joining of bodies with a biochemical reaction that sometimes results in new life. Not as a strong union that expels a great amount of energy and potentially bonds two souls on a Divine and possibly eternal level, it’s the ultimate act of intimacy where you get to see yourself and another at their most vulnerable, most beautiful and most powerful all at once.


See how I think its frightening? I could probably survive being an asexual because I don’t know what I’m missing, not really, but I have a feeling that if I meet someone who I have a primal connection with, sex will inevitably happen. I can visualize that much. It will be on an unspoken level, a level of feeling only, its strange how I know how it will be, like its happened before, but just not in this lifetime. Blah. Whatever. I sound weird when I talk like that, like I’m some hoodoo, psychic person. So I try not to talk that way if I can help it. Anyway, the point of this blog was to talk about sex and asexuality, it is my first BDSM related post, hurrah. I have more ideas about BDSM topics that I will post in the future, so stay tuned, and if I feel up to it, feel brave, I may even post an excerpt of my story.