Muslim Dreams ....

I've been having muslim dreams lately, dreams that have women in hijabs and the like in them. I'm thinking I might incorporate some Islam in my path. I like their idea of female modesty, I LOVE hijabs, and I also like the idea of praying five times a day. It gives you focus on the Divine, instead of only praying when you want or need something, it cultivates a relationship. Its beautiful to think about, don't you think?

And they don't have the concept of 'tithes to god' they have alms for charity, its much more realistic. I don't know if they have sermons or not, I mean there is an Imam, a leader but I'm not sure if there is like a lesson of guidance which I think sermons are. I don't think they do have them. I know there is still a degree of misogyny and patriarchy but I am hopelessly drawn to the faith. Its so similiar yet so different than Christianity and Judiasm. I am going to research it and find out more. The only thing I'm worried about is the thing called 'mercy killings', and their disregard for infidels, which may be stereotypes from American Television, but I am genuinely curious, and with my leanings toward paradigm piracy, I might not be interested in Islam forever. It might be a phase or whatever. I might be a muslim for x amount of time and then grow out of it and go back to being an agnostic pagan.

Maybe a full conversion isn't necessary. Maybe I can just adopt the pillars and principles that I like from Islam and still be what I am, an agnostic pagan unitarian universalist. And if people assume that I'm muslim then its on them, right? There is the fear though, that people will assume that I'm muslim and think I'm a terrorist because of all the hooplah of 9/11. And my dad always comments when I go out wearing a head scarf. I have big enough ones to make a hijab if I wanted. But I don't want to hear his judgement. I suppose I could go to the library and volunteer, which is during the day, wearing my hijab? I don't know.

Its just been on my mind lately. The idea of being a muslim sounds beautiful to me. Muslim, even the world just makes me smile and feel beautiful on the inside. But I think right now I'm just going to research it, read up on it, google it, find some muslims to talk to about it, maybe find a yahoo group or e-pal to talk to? I don't know. I do have some facebook friends that are Muslim that I could try talking to. Also I should read the Qur'an as well. I wonder if it would be a more interesting read than the bible? >.>

But yeah, I definitely think that Islam is going to be mixed into my own personal path. Just gotta research it more ...

NaNoWriMo Eve ...ish...

I'm feeling very agnostic and very starseed today, or rather lately. I have been trying to brush up on my science fiction and my math. Also my electronica music, I've been adding more of that music to my playlist, I still want to make that sort of music one day. And I will, once my first book becomes a best seller and I can buy that synthesizer I want a Korg Radias...

But really, I'm starting to think that agnosticism is my lens, my perception of the divine, because its like I don't believe in dogma, and so many gods are immersed in dogma, but I'm so hardwired to be theist that I can't forsake god completely even though all religions are just stories, even paganism, with all the mythology. I mean think about you got creation myths and apocalypse endings, its stories. fictions. And fictions that I do not care for, I might add.

I believe we get reincarnated after we die. We evolve and are reborn on a higher plane a different dimension or reality of existance. Like my next life I want to be Japanese and be a mangaka and be a mutant with like telepathy powers or something. But yeah, or I want to be a Time Lord traveling the galaxy with my crew that consists of a Trill, Vulcan, other Time Lords, an Isolus...ooh, I want to be an Isolus in my next life! Yeah...

But I've decided that this NaNoWriMo, I'm going to take it seriously, I'm going to type 2K words a day and create my world/fandom and it will not only be my world but it will be about my budding religion and beliefs... and then in December I can edit it and re-write it or continue it, if it gets really long and I'm gonna get an editor and get published and be famous and yeah, its gonna happen, then I can buy my dad a house in Colorado and a house in Texas and a private jet so we can visit both whenever we like! And I'm gonna have a loft in Downtown Denver near the sixteenth street mall!

O Dreams ...

I like feeling agnostic, it feels right somehow... and I think its funny how no one knows. How good I am at keeping it secret. There are times where I want to shout it from the rooftops but yeah I am silent. Silent Starseed. Agnostic Pagan, pagan only because it was the first religion and I want to get back to my roots, but I don't have a pantheon or anything. I have considered lately to go back to calling myself a quantum witch and trying spells again... not sure though...

Things seemed to move faster for me when I did think of myself as a quantum witch and do spells, I got everything I wanted even if it wasn't the way I wanted it. I just had to focus and use the right emotion for fuel, but It may not work because of Daddy's faith blocking it. He prays over me and stuff, when I was a quantum witch I was with my mom and she didn't do that...hmm, just something to factor in...

But spells take too much work! I'm feeling lazy. I don't want to have to put all that focus into things! Le sigh, I have a lot on my mind and I'm hungry so I'm probably going to log off soon. Daddy's making spaghetti, I'm excited. Spaghetti and Voyager, yay!

Okay, I'm tangent central here, if I'm gonna ramble at least let it be on topic... which I think I've said all I want to say for the day...yeah. Excited for NaNoWriMo -dances-

Kinky Muse....

I've decided I want to write BDSM Fiction. There isn't enough of it in the world I don't think. I want pain slut characters and virgins who are discovering some new part of their sexuality stumbling into dungeons in remote parts of town. I want sensual Masters and Cruel Mistresses to grace my pages.

I want to saturate the world with BDSM fiction. It can be my way of finding and discovering where I stand exactly in the world. Instead of just a virgin fetishist. I know, I know most of it will be pure fantasy as I am still a virgin, but we all gotta start somewhere, right?

It will be written during my 'everything I write sucks' phase so its all good.

One day I want to write my thesis on the psychology of BDSM or BDSM in fiction, probably the latter. I want to study this stuff, and surround myself in the beauty of it. I want to fill shelves with my naughty imagination. That's my goal, one of my many dreams. And I'm gonna do it.

I want to co-write erotica and BDSM fiction with my lovers (as soon as I have a lover again). I want to be a famous fiction writer and BDSM is my genre. I realize I'm repeating myself but I can't help it. I want it so much!