Now I can rest easy

So, this is a retraction of my retraction, it seems I have been duped by islamophobic propaganda. I have found these response videos to that islam vid I posted a couple of blogs ago. But here are some response videos to that video that sorta clears up everything.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_t8xW4QuN0&feature=related

and

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iz1GeyWuC18

I can once again rest easy in finding the beauty in islam once again! I can dream about wearing a hijab and praying five times a day and such. Which makes me happy. I am still unsure if I want to learn Arabic, I'm sort of on a Japanese craze right now after having watched the Absolute Boyfriend Live Action which is getting me into jdramas.

I am still trying to watch Hana-Kimi live action, both of them have the very yummy eye candy Hiro Mizushima in them so it makes it fun to watch. There are significantly more eye candy in Hana-Kimi since its story line is set in a school for attractive young boys. I may try to read the manga afterward, since I think Hana-Kimi is a live action too, I'm not sure. But some small updates in my case other than watching jdramas all day. I have the busiest week of my life next week. I have an interview with Sonic at four pm on Tuesday, Library Volunteer Wednesday, then my DARS appointment on Thursday, oh not to mention Writing club on Monday. I just hope I can survive it. That's two unfamiliar bus trips in one week! One of them I have to try to take a new bus, but I'm going to ask my dad about the location of Sonic cause I think its the same one I'm thinking of, cause the DART guy I called said it was on Walnut Hill but the lady who called me for the interview said it was on the highway, and it is by the highway, I'm just, I don't know, I want to be sure. It is a job interview. I am kinda worried though. Cause the volunteer coordinator at the library said it was possible that the part time job openings might be unfrozen in October, and if I get a job at Sonic, then ... I don't know.

I mean I thought the same thing when I interviewed for Blockbuster and something went wrong, so who knows maybe something will go wrong for this Sonic interview too and I can still be in the running for the library job. But I don't know, how can I mess up an interview for Sonic, that's like made for first time job applyers, right? They are used to teenagers and such working for them, so the fact that I am on the bus shouldn't be too unusual, even though most teenagers can drive. Maybe its time I learn to drive, just for the sake of my independence? I mean Daddy said he would get me a car if I learned how to drive. I should take the offer while its still on the table. Its really annoying that thoughts of my independence is linked with these morbid thoughts of death and abandonment. I don't know why but it is. I wish the thoughts would go away. Maybe they will one day. But back to the job front. I have been waking up thinking, just yesterday and today, thinking about my ideal guy, and when I applied for jobs yesterday, which Sonic was one of them, I remember thinking to myself that I'm doing this for him. I really want my poly family and to get out of Texas and to be happy and free from the worry of losing my parents and not being able to take care of myself. I'm my dad's only child, and my mom has two other daughters, so she should be fine, but I'm all my dad's got, so I feel like I have to sorta be there for him, so he won't be completely alone.

But when I'm around him, I feel null, like I'm not able to be completely myself or something, not like how I felt when I was at Mommy's in Colorado. She had me doing things myself because really I had no choice. She didn't offer to take me places or anything like that because her car didn't usually work, and she was trying to be on call for a job or something. I don't know. I pray that I never have to go through that. I want there to always be someone around to take care of me. Does that seem childish? But I want a job that if I get a chance to move, it won't hurt me emotionally to leave the job, and if i get the job at Sonic, I won't get that invested and want to keep the job for years and years because its like my dream day job or something like that. Working at the library is like a dream day job, I can work a few hours every day and then go home to work on my book and spend time with friends and such. But I don't know if I want that in Texas, cause eventually I want to go back to Colorado, or Washington and eventually, Toronto or maybe London, or Boston, or maybe even Maine. So I don't know there's that, and besides, it seems like the application process for the library might be complicated or even embarrassing like I'd have to do it in person or something!! D:

So hopefully I get to find out my psych evaluation results next week, find out my IQ and all that good stuff, I won't have my job log finished but hopefully I won't get into too much trouble for that -bites nails- I started late cause I wasn't sure I was going to continue with the program, but I want to at least find out my IQ and the results of my evaluation so I'll go through with it just to see that at least, and if they kick me out because I didn't fill out my job log, so be it. I can just fill out the job log on my own time and job search on my own. It has helped, I'll admit to that much. But yeah, I wanted to make a retraction of that Islam thing, so I don't seem like an Islamophobe, spreading propaganda or anything like that. I don't want to be some sort of bigot or anything like that. So I wanted to clear that up.

Enough rambling from me, until next time, Star out.

Retraction? Or a healthy dose of knowledge and fear?

So in my research about Islam, I just watched this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ib9rofXQl6w

And here's what it said in its info box. Just in case it gets deleted from youtube.

Three surprising things you probably didn't know about Islam.
This subject WILL affect you in the near future, so take the chance to inform yourself now - before it does.

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO MIRROR THIS VIDEO!
Please support this video by rating, commenting and adding to your favorites!

Parts of the text have been strongly inspired by the website
http://www.citizenwarrior.com


Sources for ALL points:
http://www.bloggersbase.com/politics-and-opinions/3-islam/
and here:
http://newstime.co.nz/three-things-about-islam.html

Qu'ran online: http://quran.com/9/29
Abrogations: http://www.muhammadanism.org/Quran/abrogation_koran.pdf
Sharia: http://www.politicalislam.com/pdf/WebSitePDF/ShariaNonMuslim.pdf
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uM4ODjVMc2s
Taqiyya:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iH9144yGEvw&feature=player_embedded#at=253
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taqiyya

http://www.thereligionofpeace.com/Quran/011-taqiyya.htm


Now I'm scared. I don't wanna be a muslim any more. Its worse than Christianity! I should just be content with being an agnostic pagan cause at least there's compassion, and there isn't any violence. Maybe I'm not as much of a klingon as I used to be, but I try to avoid violence. Especially over social things like adultery and homosexuality. Why must religions govern how our love lives should be? Its awfully presumptious and pretentious of them. I don't think god cares how we love as long as we love, (with the exception of pedophilia, that's just plain wrong). I mean wow, I watched that and its a complete reverse of my polarity, a complete turn around of opinion.

Its amazing what a little knowledge will do. Even if its conspiracy, that link, even if its not true, and its just some anti-islam bigot lashing out, though I don't think it is, there has to be some truth to it, right? Does this make me a racist against muslims now because I'm afraid? I hope not. But then again no one's perfect, right? I don't know, its a lot to take in, I should look into those other sites in the info box too, but yeah its weird, a few minutes ago, I was all gung-ho about wearing a hijab, being assumed to be muslim in public during the day when my dad was at work and now, now, now I'm borderline agnostic pride, like Agnostic Power! I mean how can we know anyway? If there is a god and what this god wants from us, all the 'prophets' could be false, just humans spouting ideas that become memes that become culture that become something people feel its worth dying for.

This is all going in my book, I swear it is! As my book is all about my spirituality and my theology and such. Man, this is amazing, truly, truly amazing. I can see it now, my book is going to be banned in certain countries, just watch ...

Muslim Dreams ....

I've been having muslim dreams lately, dreams that have women in hijabs and the like in them. I'm thinking I might incorporate some Islam in my path. I like their idea of female modesty, I LOVE hijabs, and I also like the idea of praying five times a day. It gives you focus on the Divine, instead of only praying when you want or need something, it cultivates a relationship. Its beautiful to think about, don't you think?

And they don't have the concept of 'tithes to god' they have alms for charity, its much more realistic. I don't know if they have sermons or not, I mean there is an Imam, a leader but I'm not sure if there is like a lesson of guidance which I think sermons are. I don't think they do have them. I know there is still a degree of misogyny and patriarchy but I am hopelessly drawn to the faith. Its so similiar yet so different than Christianity and Judiasm. I am going to research it and find out more. The only thing I'm worried about is the thing called 'mercy killings', and their disregard for infidels, which may be stereotypes from American Television, but I am genuinely curious, and with my leanings toward paradigm piracy, I might not be interested in Islam forever. It might be a phase or whatever. I might be a muslim for x amount of time and then grow out of it and go back to being an agnostic pagan.

Maybe a full conversion isn't necessary. Maybe I can just adopt the pillars and principles that I like from Islam and still be what I am, an agnostic pagan unitarian universalist. And if people assume that I'm muslim then its on them, right? There is the fear though, that people will assume that I'm muslim and think I'm a terrorist because of all the hooplah of 9/11. And my dad always comments when I go out wearing a head scarf. I have big enough ones to make a hijab if I wanted. But I don't want to hear his judgement. I suppose I could go to the library and volunteer, which is during the day, wearing my hijab? I don't know.

Its just been on my mind lately. The idea of being a muslim sounds beautiful to me. Muslim, even the world just makes me smile and feel beautiful on the inside. But I think right now I'm just going to research it, read up on it, google it, find some muslims to talk to about it, maybe find a yahoo group or e-pal to talk to? I don't know. I do have some facebook friends that are Muslim that I could try talking to. Also I should read the Qur'an as well. I wonder if it would be a more interesting read than the bible? >.>

But yeah, I definitely think that Islam is going to be mixed into my own personal path. Just gotta research it more ...