Science and Paganism

So I realized something (again)...

Studying Science can substitute for studying paganism. Especially for an agnostic pagan like me. Because science is the study of the earth of nature and paganism is the worship of the earth of nature, so they are like so close its uncanny, they are almost the same! For me they can be the same. I can study science as part of my paganism lessons.

I keep retaking this test on okcupid what kind of Scientist are you and here's the result I keep getting:

Systematist
You are 35% hard-core, and care 45% about the big picture!

You like looking at animals and plants. You probably caught insects as a kid and tried to pin them in a collection - you sick bastard. Your ideal vacation is to a sweltering jungle where you sit staring into a dissecting microscope describing a new species of obligate bromeliad mite parasite.

I keep retaking it to see if I can get a different result, and I got physical chemist once, but I didn't like that result either. My original, the first time I took it I kept getting geochemist. Here are all the possible results:

All possible test results
Eccentric Theorist
Social psychologist
Sociologist
Theologist
Molecular Biologist
Systematist
Sociobiologist
Ecologist
Physical Chemist
Organic Chemist
Biochemist
Geochemist
Particle Physicist
Material Scientist
Astronomer
Cosmologist
Analytician
Algebrist
Combinatoricist
Math Logician

I could take the test over and skip over the questions I'm not sure of....
so I did that and I got: Molecular Biologist
You are 25% hard-core, and care 6% about the big picture!

You really like running gels. Ooh Ooh! You like pretty SEM pictures even more! But systems biology probably makes you want to gag.

Curious...

Anyway. I'm studying science. I can have a lab and have it be like my altar or something like that, isn't that cool? I really want to get into physics or botany or something like that, oh and chemistry! I got a really big book from the library called The Science Book... I coulda got it last time but I reached the limit on how many items to have out which is like 50 or something like that. I have to read all the books I've started by January cause I'm going to job corps! My doctor finally signed the papers. -dances-

But that's like ten books I need to finish by January. Its Guilty Pleasures, Burnt Offerings, Circus of the Damned, Killing Dance, Lost Symbol, Spell of the Highlander, Kitty and the Midnight Hour, Laughing Corpse, Obsidian Butterfly and I think that's it... I hope I can finish. And I'll start doing some minor experiments and posting them on here and such, and I can study the laws of science like I would study the bible, see how they can apply to my life in a symbolic way,if that makes sense...

Well, until next time,

Star Out.

Oh, almost forgot, here's alink to that quiz I mentioned ...

http://www.okcupid.com/tests/the-what-kind-of-scientist-are-you-test

Have fun!

Oh and another tidbit, I took this Theism test and got Non Theist, more on that in my next blog...

NaNoWriMo Eve ...ish...

I'm feeling very agnostic and very starseed today, or rather lately. I have been trying to brush up on my science fiction and my math. Also my electronica music, I've been adding more of that music to my playlist, I still want to make that sort of music one day. And I will, once my first book becomes a best seller and I can buy that synthesizer I want a Korg Radias...

But really, I'm starting to think that agnosticism is my lens, my perception of the divine, because its like I don't believe in dogma, and so many gods are immersed in dogma, but I'm so hardwired to be theist that I can't forsake god completely even though all religions are just stories, even paganism, with all the mythology. I mean think about you got creation myths and apocalypse endings, its stories. fictions. And fictions that I do not care for, I might add.

I believe we get reincarnated after we die. We evolve and are reborn on a higher plane a different dimension or reality of existance. Like my next life I want to be Japanese and be a mangaka and be a mutant with like telepathy powers or something. But yeah, or I want to be a Time Lord traveling the galaxy with my crew that consists of a Trill, Vulcan, other Time Lords, an Isolus...ooh, I want to be an Isolus in my next life! Yeah...

But I've decided that this NaNoWriMo, I'm going to take it seriously, I'm going to type 2K words a day and create my world/fandom and it will not only be my world but it will be about my budding religion and beliefs... and then in December I can edit it and re-write it or continue it, if it gets really long and I'm gonna get an editor and get published and be famous and yeah, its gonna happen, then I can buy my dad a house in Colorado and a house in Texas and a private jet so we can visit both whenever we like! And I'm gonna have a loft in Downtown Denver near the sixteenth street mall!

O Dreams ...

I like feeling agnostic, it feels right somehow... and I think its funny how no one knows. How good I am at keeping it secret. There are times where I want to shout it from the rooftops but yeah I am silent. Silent Starseed. Agnostic Pagan, pagan only because it was the first religion and I want to get back to my roots, but I don't have a pantheon or anything. I have considered lately to go back to calling myself a quantum witch and trying spells again... not sure though...

Things seemed to move faster for me when I did think of myself as a quantum witch and do spells, I got everything I wanted even if it wasn't the way I wanted it. I just had to focus and use the right emotion for fuel, but It may not work because of Daddy's faith blocking it. He prays over me and stuff, when I was a quantum witch I was with my mom and she didn't do that...hmm, just something to factor in...

But spells take too much work! I'm feeling lazy. I don't want to have to put all that focus into things! Le sigh, I have a lot on my mind and I'm hungry so I'm probably going to log off soon. Daddy's making spaghetti, I'm excited. Spaghetti and Voyager, yay!

Okay, I'm tangent central here, if I'm gonna ramble at least let it be on topic... which I think I've said all I want to say for the day...yeah. Excited for NaNoWriMo -dances-

Another Relgion Post...

So. I have decided not to think of myself as Christian anymore. I am out of love with the Christian god and ready to explore my other options. My first thing would be that now I can study paganism, but there's my dad I have to worry about. So, I have to back off and look into other things, but then its like what else is there that I want to study? I don't like organized religion. Its man made and full of holes. Besides everything has pagan roots because paganism is the first religion.

I joined a UU yahoo group so I'm going to try and talk with folks there and see how it goes.

But its like an epiphany. Christianity is a mythology just like any other religion. Its silly to put your faith in a bunch of outlandish fantasy stories and guide your life by thema and try to intrepret symbolism and allegory where there is none. Jonah got swallowed by a big fish. That's not symbolic for if you turn away from god you're gonna get eaten or whatever people try to make it out to be.

I still consider myself an agnostic pagan though. I just have no guide book, no pastor that dictates where I should go with my life, its all on me now. Scary thought, huh?

I really want to write bdsm fiction but I can't seem to get an idea started and going. I need a place where I can escape and write and be. I need a world of my own. Even the world I have with my gf is tied to relgion, which is fine, my main character is the devil, I am fascinated by him as well and want to find out more about him and think his story should be told from a different light, making him the hero, but still, I need to have something else. And everything is spiritual for me, it has to have some deeper meaning to it otherwise its like no fun, Well that's not entirely true. I read urban fantasy no problem and there's nt necessarily any deeper meaning in that, but I can't *write* urban fantasy, I've tried and I can't find my grove in it -sigh-

So I'm on this labyrinth to discover what I believe and I want to write it in a story and I'm at a loss ... for now. Wish me luck on my path, until next time..

Star out.

Unitarian Universalism and Me

My moods swing every which way and that includes for religion. I feel agnostic one day and pagan the next, Christian the day after that. I need a place where I can be every and all those at the same time without it seen as a contradiction.

And thus my conversion to Unitarian Universalism is born.

I want to observe all the holidays and observances, study any writings/books and decide what will be my holy books the same thing for music for worship music. I want to walk my own path with PRIDE and CONFIDENCE.

I want to do more than pray and meditate, I want to do. And UU involvement in social justice can fulfill that need. I want to love the way I want to love, the way that feels right for me. I am a panromantic, polyamorous,fandomsexual/demisexual.

And I want to write Unitarian Universalist fiction like there is christian fiction.

I have the idea of my first novel. A UU Retreat and a new convert. I wrote a christian fiction book with that premise before, so it should be easy. I may post excerpts here on my blog, I don't know...

I may put a leather family in there, I have some poly characters and trans characters and of course some queer/gay characters. I am debating if I want to make it urban fantasy and have vampires and werefolk in it. I may just put otherkin in there instead of the fictional kinds. Make it more realistic and such.

I've also been debating if I should start a new blog strictly for my UU writings and thoughts... I may, I wanted to start a zine but a blog might be easier. I don't have a PO box or anything for people to send money for stamps and such. -sigh-.

I really want to start a zine though....

Reciepe I found and would like to try one day

I combined bread and berries this year in a quick bread.

CHERRY PIE LOAF (or Blueberry)

1 cup veggie oil (or canola or olive)
3 eggs
1 tsp vanilla extract
3 cups all-purpose flour
2 cups granulated sugar
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1 (20 oz) can cherry pie filling (or blueberry)
1 cup chopped pecans (or other nuts)

Beat together eggs, oil and vanilla.
Sift dry ingredients together and add to egg mixture.
Stir in pie filling by hand.
Pour into two greased loaf pans.
Bake at 325 F for one hour.

I didn't have any nuts so I sprinkled a mixture of cinnamon and sugar on the top for a strussel topping, YUM. The family devoured one and the other is going to Lammas ritual.

((Source:http://www.mysticwicks.com/showthread.php?t=217914))

Kinky Muse....

I've decided I want to write BDSM Fiction. There isn't enough of it in the world I don't think. I want pain slut characters and virgins who are discovering some new part of their sexuality stumbling into dungeons in remote parts of town. I want sensual Masters and Cruel Mistresses to grace my pages.

I want to saturate the world with BDSM fiction. It can be my way of finding and discovering where I stand exactly in the world. Instead of just a virgin fetishist. I know, I know most of it will be pure fantasy as I am still a virgin, but we all gotta start somewhere, right?

It will be written during my 'everything I write sucks' phase so its all good.

One day I want to write my thesis on the psychology of BDSM or BDSM in fiction, probably the latter. I want to study this stuff, and surround myself in the beauty of it. I want to fill shelves with my naughty imagination. That's my goal, one of my many dreams. And I'm gonna do it.

I want to co-write erotica and BDSM fiction with my lovers (as soon as I have a lover again). I want to be a famous fiction writer and BDSM is my genre. I realize I'm repeating myself but I can't help it. I want it so much!

Neodruid Athiest

Okay so I'm black but I'm drawn to the Celts. There has to be some Irish/Scottish something in my somewhere otherwise, why the draw? I am thinking of making a second SCA persona, one from Celtic Gaul. The other one is from Moorish Spain. That way I'm covered for both my ideal places in History. The moorish spain one will still be set in France, and the Celtic Gaul one maybe from Scotland or Wales.

I want to be a druid, so I'm researching that. I feel really drawn to that path for some reason. It has to be a secret I know, until I find a mentor. I feel really agnostic lately though, so maybe I'm an Agnostic Druid or maybe even a neodruid athiest. I still believe in some sort of afterlife. Reincarnation mostly, but the idea of the Christian God is getting harder and harder to accept. Everything. EVERYTHING has pagan roots. I think its high time I discover mine.

My dad dug deep to find his jewish roots, time I take the baton and dig deeper to find our pagan roots. It sure as hell ain't anything voodoo, not really. I'm drawn to Oya, goddess of the wind but other than that, there really isn't a draw to the Yoruban pantheon/religion beliefs. Except that I like how they connect to Catholicism, like the Celts did. Its part of the reason I want a rosary.

But I want a rosary without Jesus on the cross, just a Celtic cross on the end, black wooden beads -nods- Eventually, one day, maybe.

Just as short blog to update myself on my progress since the psychosis and diagnosis of being bipolar. I'm stable on risperidone and should be starting job corps soon!

until next time,

Star out.