So, I'm Trans ...

I have been asking myself or had this feeling in the back of my mind of 'is it okay to be a girl' and I thought something was wrong with me. Because biologically I am a girl. But, I'm a boy. Its like, all through school, I dressed 'butch' and got mistaken for a dyke, but I wasn't. I was a girl. So it was like subconsciously I knew I was male, but I didn't know how to express it cause my body didn't 'match'. Like uber dysphoria on a level that was like unexpress-able, which for me was like, non-existance.

Now, I have reached out and gotten wise words from others who have been in my place, other femme ftms, and I can hold my head high, grab my pink boa and dance, celebrating my femininity as a guy, the way I feel I should. I mean it feels so right to feel sexy and girly but at the same time, embracing my soul, my mind set as male. Male in mind. Female in Expression. Like, I don't know I'm a transvestite or something?

A Male Transvestite in a Female Body?

Maybe.

Could work.

I mean like the sound of that. Lol.

Its all thanks to my otherkin side, which I found to be just a dragon. He has many elements so that I can adopt other archetypes, but they all converge on the dragon. I like polymorphic alien though. I probably will still refer to myself as an alien. And I am still a multiple, but its like superposition. We all exist and then converge on the one. The wave and the particle.

Its kinda funny that I am like, looking at myself with new eyes, eyes of love instead of hate. I feel my wings extend and I visualize myself soaring, high in the sky, like the avian I am, its exhilarating. Who knew self-love could be as passionate as self-hate? I know its a mere shift of polarity but its like worlds ... worlds apart.

And I like the fact that I can travel back and forth as I please, all for the sake of maintaining balance. I mean everyone had dark days, right? I know for a fact that unless something drastic, like uber drastic happens that I go so dark that my inhibitions are gone, I won't actually kill myself, not in body anyway. I've done it in spirit a couple of times, and as I have more than one, (transgender = twin spirit or two spirit as you will ) it kinda explains things in retrospect, but I never really had the balls to just pull the trigger for good, deep down I knew I had too much to live for.

It must have been some sort of entanglement pre-cognition. Like I knew I had yet to feel this cause I already felt it, but because of the construct/illusion of Time, I had to wait for it. Stuck on the slow path as it were.

Another thing that embracing this has helped me with, I realize that the 'form' I rest in is something close to Mrs. Who or Mrs. Whatsit from Wrinkle in Time, cause like sometimes I can't get my words right so I like quote or go in and out of languages, lol. Quarky right?

Anyway, its amazing what embracing one's gender identity can do for a guy ::wink::